For the first time, in a long time, I have encountered what I would normally fear as a, “nerve racking situation that tests my insecurity limits.” However, for the first time, in a long time, I have no fear, no anxious mind rant wandering through the inner makings of my mind, nor a deep aching within my soul. This is because my heart is now content. I have been lifted by the love of the Lord.
(Background) Up until last night, I have struggled with an endless battle of insecurity that I sought to defeat through my relationships with others. Up until last night, I did not fully lay my insecurities before the Lord at the Alter and walk away knowing that I had been lifted.
For the past few years I have tarnished relationships, settled with loneliness, and welcomed what I thought was my final moment of acceptance with my ongoing unhappiness with myself. My insecurity and longing to finally be content, was now something I decided, I would burden myself with always. (Simply, I was always unhappy with my appearance, never confident in my abilities or my physical characteristics and wrestled with an ugly friend named, jealousy.)
This past year, I came to the realization that these insecurities and battles could not be cast away through my relationships with others. This could only be resolved through the workings of the Lord, initiated by my vow to lay them before him.
Until last night I did not fully understand what it meant to give these things to God, to know I had been lifted, restored by the one who made me.
Last night, I finally felt in my heart that the Lord was telling me I was ready to let go and turn it all over to him. My shoulders were instantly relieved of the burden I had been carrying the minute I placed my insecurities and desired promises on the cross.
Clear as the grace given by God, I will forever remember the sounds, songs, and lights focused on that cross, the cross that then held the longing promises of our Well family, that at that moment, were now surrendered and laid down before the Lord.
I have been lifted by the love of the Lord and have laid it all down before him. His love, the Lord’s love, lifted me.