The Fork in the Road

The summer after my Freshman year of college I suddenly began experiencing terrifying thoughts of death and hell.

Although I still do not know the cause of these obsessive and horrifying thoughts, they took me from a place of joy, peace, and hope into a pit of utter despair and darkness. I was convinced that I would die before the start of my Sophomore year and also believed that God would surely send me to hell with no hope of salvation. The lies and dark thoughts that constantly crowded my mind led to panic attacks and resulted in being rushed to the ER a number of times. I was no longer happy and my love for the Lord turned into a confused and bitter anger. The God I was experiencing was I believed to be distant, uncaring, and unwilling to bring me out of the pit I could not pull myself out of, one that I believed He had thrown me into. Everything I had learned about Him no longer made sense.

For a short time, I stopped pursuing God out of the bitterness and confusion I felt towards Him. Although I would have still considered myself a Christian, my life was not reflective of the love of Christ or of His teachings. Entering into my Sophomore year at AU, I allowed lies to swarm my mind and poison my heart and eventually I no longer knew my identity in Him and relied on worldly things for my happiness and sense of purpose.

I was lost in darkness and would not understand how desperately I needed the Lord back in my life until I attended one of the last Well services during my Sophomore year. I do not remember why I went to The Well that night or what the message was about, but I do remember the Holy Spirit coming and breaking my heart as He opened my eyes to how far I had allowed myself to fall away from Him.

 Read the whole story at http://mjbeloveddaughter.blogspot.com/