My favorite thing about Jesus is how he surprises me with demonstrations of love when I am least expecting it… when I’m not even trying to connect with him… when I’m not “positioned” to encounter him… when I feel hopelessly undeserving because I haven’t been doing my part.
Maybe it’s easier to explain in a story.
One morning, months ago, I was going through my get-ready-for-work routine, feeling particularly heavy with guilt. I was thinking about how long it had been since I had really sat down to intentionally spend time with God. I stood in front of the mirror in my room, brushed my hair and began the same makeup routine I use every day. I let out a sigh and prayed something along the lines of “I know. I suck. I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better.” Recognizing how weary I felt on the inside I added, “I miss You.“ With that, I resigned myself to getting through the day in what strength I had left - just getting by until I could reconnect with him.
I picked up my mascara, removed the brush and began to darken my blonde eyelashes.
I remember making those eyelashes.
I froze. The Voice had come out of nowhere. It was a Voice I knew. After the initial shock of hearing from him when I wasn’t expecting it, when I wasn’t even trying, I was immediately humbled. I thought he wouldn’t talk to me because I hadn’t been “putting in the time.” In recent weeks, I had been the poster child for how-to-NOT-foster-intimacy-with-God. I felt so undeserving.
Then his actual words began to sink in. “I remember making those eyelashes.” I thought of the Scripture that says “he knit me together in my mother’s womb.” I closed my eyes and immediately saw an image of myself as a child. It wasn’t a voice I heard this time, but an overwhelming feeling of love… that that little girl is precious to the One who made her. It was clear as day - a child does not have to do anything to be loved. And I knew in that moment that, as undeserving as I was (and always am), I had the attention and affection of my loving Father.
11 The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came